We just went to visit Michelle who will be Buddy's next foster mama. I told her my concerns about wanting to keep him. She reminded me that he is mellow now because he is sick. He will change once he is healthy and he still we be intact. That could cause us problems with Behr. Then he will get fixed and he could change even more.
However, whatever happens I will not foster a dog again. I'll help in other ways financially, donationing, or transporting. I can't do this...my throat hurts, and I don't cry, ever. Will seems so upset. I don't know what I want. After I left Michelle's house I was okay with her fostering then us possibly adopting him. However, I've seen rescue applications and they are hard. We don't have a yard, we have a small home. We already have two dogs and a cat. We will probably have a child one day. All of these things will be working against us. Even if we do train and exercise like mad and have the perfect work schedules.
I feel good because Buddy isn't dead. But I feel bad too for many reasons. I just kinda feel sick. I had no idea this would be so hard. Why didn't I listen to those who told me to back off? Why didn't I rescue a breed we don't love?
Michelle has done much work trying to find a rescue that will fund Buddy. She gone to a lot of trouble. I so just want to tell her to stop, we will fund it all, and keep him. I don't know what to do...I think I'll call my mama.