Saturday, July 12, 2008

First and Last

We just went to visit Michelle who will be Buddy's next foster mama. I told her my concerns about wanting to keep him. She reminded me that he is mellow now because he is sick. He will change once he is healthy and he still we be intact. That could cause us problems with Behr. Then he will get fixed and he could change even more.

However, whatever happens I will not foster a dog again. I'll help in other ways financially, donationing, or transporting. I can't do throat hurts, and I don't cry, ever. Will seems so upset. I don't know what I want. After I left Michelle's house I was okay with her fostering then us possibly adopting him. However, I've seen rescue applications and they are hard. We don't have a yard, we have a small home. We already have two dogs and a cat. We will probably have a child one day. All of these things will be working against us. Even if we do train and exercise like mad and have the perfect work schedules.

I feel good because Buddy isn't dead. But I feel bad too for many reasons. I just kinda feel sick. I had no idea this would be so hard. Why didn't I listen to those who told me to back off? Why didn't I rescue a breed we don't love?

Michelle has done much work trying to find a rescue that will fund Buddy. She gone to a lot of trouble. I so just want to tell her to stop, we will fund it all, and keep him. I don't know what to do...I think I'll call my mama.


Anonymous said...

Hugs to you. Fostering is not an easy job. But remember that the only reason most rescue dogs have a chance is because of selfless foster homes. Most foster parents have felt the same way at one point or another, and some dogs will touch you more than others. But at the end of the day, knowing that you helped save a dog that would otherwise die alone in a shelter, that's enough to keep going. Buddy has a second chance at life because of YOU, even if you don't end up being his forever home, you made a difference for this dog through the amazing act of fostering.

You'll make it through this, and Buddy will get better and become healthy because you stepped up and did something for him that so many didn't.

So more hugs to you, and hugs to sweet Buddy.

Becca said...

Hey, it's zona- Just wanted to let you know I was in your spot once. I had a kitten that was a foster and I "failed"/adopted her, but kept fostering. When she was 7 mos old we had to put her down because she had FELV and at the time I was fostering other kittens and had to give them back to the shelter that moment as well. I felt like you do, just sick, just torn down, I felt awful. 8 years later (and a lot of kitties later), I know now that you can't see into the future, you can't save them all, even if we really, really want to. We have to choose, we have to try with the ones we can.... and we can be successful in helping a few lucky souls make it into happy homes forever.
It's not an easy job... being a foster parent is tough, so tough. But it is also so rewarding. Because you took Buddy in and are willing to help him and fund his recovery, he gets a chance to live. He doesn't have to stay with you to live, you are giving him the chance to go on to another family and be the dog they have always wanted. He could be some little kid's best friend, or a widower's new companion, or a girl starting out on her own's new roommate.
Because of you- He gets that chance.
Don't give up. If I had given up, there would be a lot of kitty's that wouldn't be with their families right now. Keep that in mind.

Moments by Missy said...

Oh Amy! I know how easy it is to get attached and then to have to let go...I know the exact "sick" feeling in your stomach you're talking about...

I wish there was something I could do. You and Will have such big hearts and are the best dog parents ever!

Buddy is beautiful and whether you end up keeping him or not, his life will be better because of you :)

Anonymous said...

Your first fostering experience is always the most difficult. Fostering is a very rewarding experience for most people once you get the hang of it. I also got very attached to my first foster Brandy. When her adopter picked her up, I shut the door and cried my eyes out. I swore that I just was not cut out fostering.

Did I foster again? I sure did. I knew that by us fostering we could spare the life of one more dog in urgent need. At some point we lost count of the number of dogs we fostered at this point (it is over 100)over the last several years. Rescue groups (and therefore rescue efforts) are limited to the number of foster spots. It really is a GINORMOUS gift to a pet who would otherewise be dead to open your heart and home to them.

Anyway, I just want to sending good thoughts and virtual hugs your way. Many of us know exactly what you are feeling right now and can sympathize with you. Because we've "been there done that", we also know it will get easier. I promise! :-)